3 Heartsalternate ending
by Heather9979
Summary: This ending made more sense to me...of course it's more fluff than metaphor filled craziness that leaves us guessing...
1. Chapter 1

**I know this is a really short chapter, but last night's episode…..it just left me saying WT**F…**I mean I get it I really do…but it was SOOO not like Deeks at all. Deeks doesn't do that, and after everything that he has done to get Kensi back and how worried he was about her…..I just don't get it. So to make things make sense in my head…I had to write an alternate ending. This makes more sense to me.**

Just after Deeks returned her knife and delivered his punch line of "Contrary to hundreds of years of research….I believe raccoons DO mate for life." Kensi wasn't really sure to make of it….was he ending things? The way he returned her knife when she had asked about his third heart made her think that maybe just maybe he was thinking about putting an end to their "thing". With a heavy heart she walked over snatched the box off of the shelf plopped it on his desk and used the knife that was "still sharp" to slice the tape open. She knew deep down, if she wanted to have a chance at finally having the happiness that she had caught a glimpse of that night some five months ago…. it was past time for her to make a move. She realized that it had been Deeks making all of the moves up to this point. He was the one that kept pushing things…..she knew she needed to do something to show him that their "thing" was just as important to her as it was to him. She turned to Deeks sheathed the knife and held it out to him. "And contrary to what I may have said…..sometimes a knife IS more than just a knife….and I want you to keep it…it belongs to you now." When Deeks hesitated before reaching out to take the knife Kensi simply set it down on his desk next to the box. She spun on her heel and walked out of the mission with a smile on her face secure in the knowledge that she had placed the proverbial ball in Deeks' court.

Meanwhile Deeks continued to stare at the box with mixed emotions. All of the build up….he knew that more than likely he would be disappointed because there was no way what he wanted most in the world was in that box…..because he had just watched her walk out and away from him. It hit him then..and he ran his hand through his hair before nervously picking up the now familiar knife and looking at it...what had he just done? By all intents and purposes he has just portrayed to Kensi that he was ending their relationship before it even had a chance to really start. He had pulled away from her, he pulled a patented Kensi move. She was ready to talk about things, and he shut her down. Turns out that she may have to be more than a little bit patient with him too. He decides right then and there that he will be making a visit to Kensi's house tonight….they really need to talk and to quote Kensi…say what they actually mean. He finally decides that he has nothing to lose and pries open the box. He peers inside and can't help the grin that appears on his face. He mutters to himself "Another box? Who puts another freaking box inside THE big box?" He places the new and improved smaller box on his desk without opening it, attaches HIS knife in it's rightful spot on his belt, slings his bag across his shoulder and says "Touché" as he walks out of the mission with a goofy grin on his face. He understands what Kensi has just done, and knows the next move is his. He just needs to figure that move out before he goes to visit Kensi tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok….so here is the second par**t. **Not sure how long this is going to turn out, but definitely a few more chapters because I think they still have a lot to say to each other, and I really think Hetty needs to face the music and come clean to both of them the real reason Kensi was sent away to start with.**

Kensi was completely physically and emotionally exhausted after her first day back to field work as she unlocked her door and walked into her empty apartment. She had never really noticed how lonely she was before now. She had lots of time in the five months that she was in Afghanistan to imagine her life back home, and this was definitely not how she imagined it. It usually included a lot more Deeks. She walked into her bedroom and rummaged through her drawers to find herself something comfortable to sleep in. She settled on a pair of yoga pants and Deeks old LAPD sweatshirt. She wandered into her bathroom and started her bathwater adding some of the body wash that Deeks had left behind. A good hot bubble bath always made her feel better. As she slipped down into the luxurious bubbles she was enveloped in a scent that she associated with Deeks and the wonderful night they had spent together. Only then did she allow herself to cry as she thought back about what all had happened during day. She realized that she was more confused now about where they stood than she had ever been. The tears continued to flow as she thought back on the five months that she had spent in Afghanistan and everything she had endured while she was there. She was still waiting on her final debrief where she was sure she would have to answer some pretty tough questions to both Granger and Hetty, plus she was almost certain Director Vance would make an appearance as well. There was so much that she needed to tell Deeks before she faced all of them, and well now she just wasn't sure she was going to get a chance.

After Deeks left the mission he went home and grabbed Monty and his leash and headed to the beach. Afterall the beach was where he was the most calm and did his best thinking. He searched out a place to sit and watch the waves. While absentmindedly tossing a tennis ball for Monty he let his mind wander. He thought about Kensi and everything they had been through, and how much she had come to mean to him. There were still things that she didn't know about him, but he knew she was the only one he trusted enough to eventually let in. He couldn't help but smile as he thought about how far they had come. They had become not only partners but best friends and then so much more, and in the process she had become the one person in the world that meant the most to him. He knew in his heart that this thing with Kensi was far from over, it was truly just beginning. His mind wandered to the last five months and how he had felt without her in his life on a daily basis, and he knew that he never wanted to go through that again. He had put on a good front and had been able to continue to do his job, but when the job was done and he had to go home to an empty apartment he realized on a daily basis how empty his life was. Then when they had told him Kensi was missing…it was like the bottom fell out of his existence…God the whole flight to Afghanistan his mind kept going over the possibilities and none of them were good. He had found himself in the middle of a full fledged panic attack that only Sam had been able to bring him out of. He thought about that picture that was still on his phone and how he had reacted. He simply had lost all sense of purpose and had lost himself and values in the process. He shuddered at the thought of how he had treated that cleric and felt the tears threaten to fall. Kensi still didn't know how he had managed to save the day, and he knew deep down if he ever wanted to get past it he would need to let Kensi see the dark things that he had done. Truth be told he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would do it all over again if it would bring his Kensi home to him. Monty yapped at a low flying seagull bringing him out of his thoughts, and he realized that the sun had set and it was starting to get quite chilly. He snapped Monty's lead on him and slowly walked towards his car. Deeks opened the backdoor searching the back seat for the LAPD sweatshirt that he knew he kept in there, but couldn't find it. He decided he would take Monty who had also missed Kensi like crazy with him when he went to visit tonight. Deeks swung by and grabbed some bulgogi and beers on his way to Kensi's, and next thing he knew he was parked in the parking lot in front of her apartment. "Well it's now or never Monty…..guess it's time to face the music and see if she'll still have me." He stood in front of her door and only hesitated slightly before knocking.

Kensi had just gotten out of the bathtub when she heard the knocking. "Yeah, yeah I'm coming….just give me a minute." She yelled as she pulled on the sweatshirt over her grey yoga pants and wrapped the towel around her wet hair.

"Oh! Uh Hey Deeks…umm" She gestured for him to enter and stepped back "come in."

"Is this a bad time? I mean….. I can….. uh… I guess we can talk later….I brought you some bulgogi and…. um some beers." It was then that he noticed what she was wearing and a slow grin spread across his face….."Is that MY shirt…the one I keep in the back seat of my car? The one that has mysteriously gone missing? Hmmmm is it Fern?"

"No…it's my other boyfriend's shirt" she said sarcastically "….sheesh of course it's yours Shaggy."

"boyfriend? I kinda like the sound of that" Ok so he really liked the sound of that…really really liked it. "So uh I brought Monty with me…I hope it's ok. He has really missed you too." The shaggy mutt was dancing around on the end of his lead trying to figure out how to get to Kensi.

Kensi knelt down and unsnapped the lead "of course it's ok…my shaggy boys are welcome here anytime they want to be." Monty thanked her with a bunch of licks to the face.

"Ewww Monty stop that….don't kiss her!" Deeks said as he set the food and two beers down on the coffee table. He carried the rest to the kitchen and placed them inside the nearly empty refrigerator. "Good thing I brought food Sugar bear or you would have starved…that fridge is pretty empty."

"It's ok Monty you can kiss me any time you want to baby." She whispered to the dog "At least someone still wants to kiss me." "Yeah….you know how well I grocery shop Deeks."

Deeks walked over to where she was kneeling and helped her up. He pulled her to him taking the towel off of her head throwing it on to the sofa, he tangled his hands in her still wet hair and pulled her mouth to his in a kiss that was soft and sweet at first and then morphed into something more urgent. As he was pulling away he spoke softly against her lips "For the record…I heard you…..and my dog is not the only one who wants to kiss you. I have been dreaming about doing that for the past five months." He brushed his lips against hers softly again before walking over to the sofa leaving a rather stunned and speechless Kensi standing in the middle of the living room watching him. "You need to eat babe…your food's getting cold. Then we have a lot of catching up to do, and by catching up I don't mean only with the kisses. Because while there will be plenty of kisses to come, we really do need to talk too."


	3. Chapter 3

**WOW….2 chapters in one day…and the 3****rd**** underway possibly ready for posting later this afternoon. I'm feeling inspired. This is Deeks sharing his secrets with Kensi…Kensi is next and then maybe a little of the team….but trust me before this is over..Hetty will have some explaining to do.**

They sat together in near silence as they ate their dinner. Kensi of course finished first and was wiping her mouth with the napkin when Monty nudged her knee. "Does my scruffy boy need some more lovins?" Just as Deeks was nodding she scooted closer to Deeks and patted the sofa next to her indicating for Monty to join them. He happily hopped up and turned in a few circles before plopping down with his head in Kensi's lap. She absentmindedly rubbed his ears while studying Deeks. "Dog gets all the loving" mumbled Deeks.

Deeks noticed her watching him intently "Ok….did I miss my mouth or something? Kens…to be honest you're kinda creeping me out looking at me like that?"

"No…no you didn't miss your mouth. I just kinda like looking at you."

"Wow…ok wow ….that just happened….and I have no witnesses. At least now I know why I always catch you looking at me on those long stake outs…I knew you couldn't keep your eyes off of all this." Deeks said jokingly as he gestured to himself.

Kensi slugged him in the shoulder as she muttered "Exactly, and if you ever tell anyone I'll deny everything."

"Ow! Kensi….really?"

"You know you love it."

Deeks cocked his head to the side and contemplated telling her what all he really did love about her, and decided there really was no time like the present. "I do…I really do….love it… that is, it and everything else about you Kensi. I love YOU so much it physically hurts…..it's terrifying really….but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm in so deep I don't think there is a way out….not that I'm looking for a way out..mind you…. I want it ALL, and I want it with you. I mean I want the whole deal…Partners in all sense of the word, at work and at home….I want the fairytale….white picket fences….little mutant ninja assassins, and happily ever afters. You are IT for me Kens…you're the ONE. I've never been more sure about anything in my entire life. I know we have a lot left to talk about and discover about each other…but as long as we do it together we will be ok. We can do it all and so much more as long as we do it together."

Kensi just stared at him with her mouth slightly ajar blinking rapidly trying to process everything that had just come out of his mouth. "Um.."

"Really…I bare my heart and soul…do what you tell me you want me to do….say what I actually mean and tell you what I really want…..and all I get in reply is an ummm?" He teased her as he looked into her eyes. Kensi was still blinking rapidly as he curled a lock of her hair around his finger. "Kens? You really do need to work on YOUR communication skills." Deeks chuckled.

Kensi leaned into him and brushed her lips ever so gently against his "Shut up and kiss me Deeks…..I love you too."

He pulled her to him so that she was straddling his lap and poured everything into the kiss. Her hands tangled in his hair as she breathed in the scent of seawater and outdoors a scent that was uniquely Deeks. She sighed into the kiss as she truly felt at home for the first time in forever. His hands were at her waist and slipped under the bottom of the sweatshirt that she wore to caress the smooth skin of her back.

Kensi pulled back from the kiss and looked into those deep blue eyes smirked just a little bit and used his very own line on him. "How's that for communication?"

"God Kens…this feels so good. I need you to pinch me and make sure I'm actually awake." He said into the skin on her neck as he gently nibbled. "I mean if I wasn't dreaming..then you actually told me that you loved me."

Kensi let her hands drop from where they had been tangled in his hair to his side and just as he had told her to do pinched him. "And if you ever compare me to a raccoon again…..I'll do more than pinch you. I HATE raccoons….the beady eyed little things."

Deeks yelped at the rather vigorous pinch that he had just received. "I didn't bring up the raccoons…that other guy Angelo did. I didn't like him a bit….it was a bit creepy some of the things he said though…and it did get me thinking, about a lot of things. Kens…there's some things you really need to know. Things that happened in Afghanistan…things that I did that I'm definitely not proud of, but I want you to know before I start that I'd do them all over again if it meant that I got you back here with me…just like this." He leaned in and placed a quick peck on her lips. "I love you so damned much."

Kensi gently shoved Monty off the sofa "Sorry buddy Daddy needs me more than you do right now." Monty huffed and walked over to his doggy bed and laid down. Kensi scooted down so she was leaning against the arm. She then pulled Deeks down against her so that his head was in her lap and started running her fingers through his hair. "Mmmmm have I ever told you how much I love your hair….please don't ever cut it… I'm here to listen Deeks, just to listen….I won't judge…..and I'm certainly not going anywhere…I promise. I'm in this for the long haul, because those things you said earlier….I want those things too, and I want them with you. I love you….I love YOU just the way you are. I know you're not perfect, but you're perfect FOR me." With that she continued playing gently with his hair while she waited for him to start talking.

Deeks took a couple deep breaths trying to both settle himself and digest what Kensi had just said. After a few minutes of silence he took one more deep breath. "Kens….ever since I came flying in with the prisoner to exchange and got you back…everybody has been treating me like some freaking hero…." He felt her start to say something and reached up to place his finger to her lips "Let me finish Kens…I need to say this….I'm no freaking hero….I may have ended up saving the day, but the things that I did….the things that I did to that man to get the answers…..I'm no hero. I'm as bad as Siderov and his men. I really don't deserve you. Kensi….I saw a picture of you…Hetty called me and told me that Callen had found a picture of you with your throat slit…I lost it…I was drowning….I had to reason to live and certainly no reason to maintain my morals….at that point I didn't care what I did as long as it got me closer to finding the people that had done…" He pulled out his phone and against his better judgement showed Kensi the picture. He knew she would demand to see it just as he had and that she would know him better than to believe that he had actually deleted the damned thing. So to avoid the inevitable fight he showed her the picture. He heard her gasp. "I didn't care what I had to do to find the people that were responsible for doing this to you. I told him the truth that you were the person that I cared about most in this world and that I really didn't care if it worked."

There was a pause as Deeks collected himself to tell the rest of the story, and Kensi not only felt the tears streaming down her face she felt her leg becoming wet with Deeks' tears. She continued running her fingers through his hair and murmuring words of reassurance to him. She was mainly repeating that she would always love him…always no matter what had happened.

"Oh God Kens….I tortured that man…I kept him awake for over 48 hours….I wouldn't let him eat.. I refuse to call him innocent because he was remotely related to what happened to you, but Kens…he was an old man…a cleric, a man of God…and old BLIND cleric….and I tortured him. Before you go saying that denying him food and sleep wasn't all that bad…..I was doing that before I saw the picture of you…before. When I saw that picture I just snapped….in half…no not even in half…Kens I broke into so many pieces that there was no way anybody was ever going to put me back together again. I got a bucket of water…..placed a towel over the old mans face…..and…." Deeks sobbed then and Kensi was sobbing right along with him. "Kensi..I poured that bucket of water over his face….I waterboarded the old man in hopes that I would be able to find your body, because at that point that was the only hope I had left. Like I told the other man there….I didn't even care if it worked…I was so damned mad I wanted someone…anyone really…to pay for what had been done to you."

Kensi could feel him shaking as he cried on her lap. She already knew that she didn't see him any differently…..he would always be her hero. As far as she was concerned he had done what he needed to…. to bring her home safely, and that is exactly what he had done. She continued to cry right along with him, it was killing her to see Deeks hurting this badly. What she couldn't wrap her mind around was why on earth Hetty had even sent him that picture….Hetty knew how deeply they cared for each other and what benefit would Deeks seeing that awful picture have on the mission. Kensi stored this away and added it to her list of things to ask Hetty.

Deeks looked up into her face "So are you sure you can still love a monster like me? Kens…I know what it's like to be tortured and I turned around and did the same thing to another living being…I have never been so ashamed of myself. Luckily I stopped before I killed him…I apologized and fed him, but there really is no taking back what I had already done….and by all likelihood I ended up getting him killed along with the rest of them anyway…so are you sure you can love me knowing the darkness that I am capable of?"

"Deeks….you…..you are NOTHING like Siderov…yes…there may be a dark side to you, but everybody has one. I have NEVER met a man as kind and loving as you…so to answer your question YES you fool….I still love you and always will. There is nothing at all that you could ever tell me that would change my mind. There are some things I need to tell you about Afghanistan too…because I feel so damned guilty…this is all my fault…all of it….and I just hope that you can still feel the same way about me…after I tell you everything."

Deeks sat up and pulled her back against him and they shared another soul searching kiss….the taste of Kensi mixed with their tears it tasted so sweet he knew he would never get tired of this…never.. "I'm all ears princess, but I've told you I love you and there is no changing that…I'm not going anywhere. I would NEVER leave you voluntarily you should know that by now."


	4. Chapter 4

Kensi still had tears streaming down her face when the guilt hit her full force. It was because of her that Deeks had gone to Afghanistan to begin with, and if she hadn't gone off and let herself get captured he never would have had to have the experience of seeing that picture of her and then the pain and aftermath that he went through. He never would have had to torture that man. The guild started to overwhelm her as she put her head on his shoulder and simply sobbed. She kept repeating "Oh God…Deeks it's ALL my fault."

All Deeks could do was hold her while she fell apart. "Shhhhh Shhhh it's ok…I got you, and 'm not going anywhere. I love you and we WILL get through this. Shhhh."

Kensi pulled back. "But you don't understand Deeks…it's all my fault all of it. Most of this is still classified so if you didn't know it before now you didn't hear it from me. Hetty sent me to Afghanistan to kill the 'white ghost'…AND to find a mole for her…the night she sent me the sat phone she told me that there was someone on the team that was feeding information to the white ghost and I was to find them as well. I was all alone there Deeks…Hetty basically told me that there was nobody there that I could trust. I was so lonely and God help me I missed you so bad. We were just starting to figure us out….it was awful….awful. I knew there was something hinky about Sabatino from the start, but I wasn't entirely convinced he was the white ghost. Although I did accuse him of it one day…the day he shot the radiator out in the car and left me in the desert by myself to get back to base."

"So help me God the next time I see that bastard I will punch him in the face…Kens…do you have any idea what could have happened.." Deeks stopped himself then…because she did know exactly what could have happen and what did happen. Deeks was seething.."Kens…please tell me…is that when you got captured? If it is…so help me God he will wish he would have died in that desert."

"Easy tiger….I made it back to base that day…and I never saw Sabatino again until the helicopter….The very next day Granger sent me out again by myself to a spot where the white ghost was supposed to have been….and he WAS there…I saw him..Granger kept yelling in my ear to pull the trigger..pull the trigger…I was soooo relived. I knew this nightmare was about to be over and that I would be coming home to you…until…until I saw his face….Granger was still yelling at me…so I took A shot…but not THE shot. I knew him Deeks…I knew who they sent me there to kill and I couldn't do it…I couldn't kill him…not even if it meant coming home…I couldn't believe a man that had been so good 10 years ago could have turned into what they were making him out to be….so I took A shot and missed on purpose. I couldn't kill Jack…I just couldn't do it." She looked into Deeks' eyes…took a steadying breath and continued. "But….that's not the worst part. I went back to camp…I was a mess. I couldn't look Granger in the eye and I made up some kind of excuse about missing. I knew Granger didn't buy it and he asked for a full report on his desk….I went to my bunk….laid there crying and thinking about everything…mostly you..but everything else too…I sent a message to Nell…..left my weapons on my bunk and left…I went out in that desert on a horse…unarmed…to LET myself get captured…." Kensi started sobbing in earnest again. "So you see everything is all my fault….I let myself get captured so everything that happened after that is on ME…and I'm still not entirely sure that I will have a job when this is all overwith….Deeks…I hope you understand that this doesn't mean that I still love Jack…because I don't…ALL of my hearts…however many of them there may be…belong to you now…..but I had to find out what was going on…I KNEW he wasn't capable of what they said they were doing….so they took me in that cave…I saw Jack…talked to him…ended up getting some much needed closure in the long run…do you know he did get married…and had a baby girl….anyway not that any of that matters….but then it got really ugly…they beat us both….so bad….made us each watch the beatings…took those awful pictures of us…..they…they called me a whore…and I was knocked out for quite awhile so I'm not entirely sure what all happened to me, but Jack assured me afterwards that he protected me from the unthinkable…and managed to take some more beatings on my behalf in the meantime…..but Deeks…don't you see it's all my fault. If I hadn't let myself get captured you never would have been there…never would have had to do what you did…you wouldn't be carrying around all this guilt."

"While I have to admit letting yourself get captured was probably not the smartest thing you've ever done Fern….it's probably not the last stupid thing you'll ever do. I've told you that while I regret what I did…I'd do it all over again to get you back."

"That's the thing Deeks….I'd do it again too….we ended up saving Jack…and I didn't kill him…so I'd go through it all again….but I…I" She leaned in to him again.."I just don't know."

Deeks pulled her away, and placed the sweetest most gently kiss on her lips. "Kens…you wouldn't be you if you didn't risk everything to save someone you believed to be innocent, no matter who it may have been. And I love You….just the way you are…..wouldn't change one annoyingly cute thing about you. I had a chance to say a few words to Jack….I thanked him for taking care of you, and I meant it. I saw you hugging him and it would be a lie if I told you I wasn't a touch jealous….cause I was..but in the end…you chose to come to me…you chose to let me help you…that's all that matters. I'm not saying I'll never get jealous again…cause I'm sure the next guy that touches you….well I'll wanna beat him to a pulp….but as long as we both know in the end that we choose each other…that's all that matters…We've been through some pretty awful things in the past year…but we're going to come out on the other side…together."

After about an hour of just snuggling and watching some mindless television….Kensi picked up his phone. "Something just doesn't make sense to me Shaggy…..I mean….why would Hetty even call to tell you about this picture…much less send it to you…if they didn't think it was real. What purpose did it serve other than to hurt you?"

Deeks took his phone back and let her watch him delete the offending picture. "I don't know Kens…I really don't but after she told me about it..I demanded that she send it to me….I just had to see it….Maybe she wanted me to feel guilty….wanted to reinforce that it was my fault that she sent you over there to start with…to show me the consequences to my actions."

"It's getting late….will you stay with me tonight. Monty can come to work with us tomorrow…might be kinda nice to have him…and YOU there with me when I do my debrief. I really need you with me."

"Then I'll be there for you…as long as you want me. Monty will be too…won't you boy?"

They got up and walked into the bedroom. Deeks climbed in on the left side…he had come to realize he really didn't care which side of the bed he was on as long as he was with Kensi. He pulled the covers back for her and she snuggled up against him with her head laid on his chest. "I feel like I should have said this so long ago…but I love you Deeks….and…thank you for…everything."

"Love you too sugarbear." Trying to lighten the mood a little bit Deeks chuckled "So about your shirt princess…..when exactly did you acquire my shirt?"

"It's mine now….and I uh…borrowed it from your backseat…that night…before we flew to Afghanistan….you had left your car there and it was unlocked…and well…I wanted to take something that reminded me of you with me….and it smelled so much like you I wore it the whole way there…and most of the time there…even if your smell did wear off. I had to explain to several people…including Sabatino when he didn't take the hint…that my boyfriend was a detective with LAPD."

"mmmm your boyfriend….that is my favorite title ever princess….and you can definitely have that shirt…it looks better on you anyway babe."

A few minutes later their breathing evened out as they fell asleep together in each others arms…where they both belonged.


End file.
